It was clear from the unloading of Jonno’s car that we were meant to eat well this Buck’s weekend. It amounted to 2 sides of beef, aged, and what seemed like nearly 20 lbs. of lamb freshly butchered in the abattoir. The crew arrived in waves. We sat down to await the arrival of the man of the hour. Lats didn’t know I was coming, and we were discussing the best way to surprise him when the back of the chair broke taking me to the ground, and we had our plan. We would prop up the chair. Hide me behind the couch. Lats would arrive. We would tell him to take a rest, hand him a beer and sit him down. When he fell, Watty would stand up, point at him and say "ha, ha, ha, Lats, you’re a dickhead, but for a second opinion ..." and I would hop out behind the couch and, of course, agree.
Lats arrived, and energetic lad that he is, would not sit down and quickly became suspicious. So I sat behind the couch and drank my beer. Finally I hear Watty, over everyone, say, "get this man a beer ... but for a second opinion ..." And I appeared. Not quite the chummy male good-natured maliciousness we had hoped for. But he was happy to see me. Wine was poured, and we set ourselves to the first night’s meat fest – lamb and beef and little else, perfectly aged or perfectly fresh. You just don’t get meat like this from the grocer.
That night we gave Lats his "Vancouver" test, as he and his bride-to-be will be moving to Vancouver in six weeks. A sample of some questions are below.
What is a “Vancouver Cougar?”
A. Predatory older woman who’s prey is younger men
B. Bourbon and coke
C. a wild animal
Wolverines were responsible for how many amputations in British Columbia last year?
What animal did the most recent serial killer feed his victims too?
What is the most populated state in Canada?
These are just a few of the questions. I would put the other ones up, but they are either too vulgar or too boring. Lats failed miserably, and thereby jeopardized his visa.
The answers are below